dating

Some of you may have saw my email I just sent out for Speed Dating for the Asian American International Film Festival fundraiser event (sorry for the long title). Speed dating is such an interesting phenomenon because it is a very structured singles social event. Compared to the usual mingling/networking/clubbing event every minute of the two hours is structured. Some people like that and others hate it. Some prefer the structure or are at least open-minded to trying something different, while others think it's lame and overdone.

I actually wrote this a couple days ago (on my morning commute) but didn't get to sit down and edit it until now. So here it is:

I think through the process of dating you really end up learning about yourself in the end more than the people you are dating. You learn what you are willing to put up with and what you firmly are not. You learn how much space you like or need to have. You learn if you need to be friends with your partner's friends or you don't care. You learn how much in common you would like to have with the other person. Or maybe you discover you don't need to have everything in common, just share the same values. 

 I just received an email this morning from a (non-disclosed) online dating service. I am now considered to be in the top half of the "more attractive" members of their dating pool and I will now see "more attractive" people in my searches and "be shown" to more attractive people. Are they for real?? What if I don't want to date "attractive" types? And what are they basing their "attractiveness" rate on anyways? An average of what everyone rated? What if what I consider to be attractive is not what most consider attractive?

 I have had many conversations with other Asian Americans about dating another Asian person or opting for dating non-Asians altogether. I have heard things from all ranges of the spectrum from: "Dating an Asian guy feels like I'm dating one of my cousins." Or "I'm just not attracted to Asians." Or other stereotypical lines that sound strangely fed to us from the outside racist society regurgitated through our own mouths. 

In this day and age, somehow it's still hard to be friends with someone of the opposite gender. And what do you do when they interpret your last 10 hangout times as 'dates' and you still think they're just fun to hang out with?