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 I have had many conversations with other Asian Americans about dating another Asian person or opting for dating non-Asians altogether. I have heard things from all ranges of the spectrum from: "Dating an Asian guy feels like I'm dating one of my cousins." Or "I'm just not attracted to Asians." Or other stereotypical lines that sound strangely fed to us from the outside racist society regurgitated through our own mouths. 

I think most women have had pick-up lines used on them at some point or another. However, some men might argue how else are they supposed to approach a woman without using some kind of a line? And some PUAs (pick-up artists) even recommend you fabricate a story--and have several of these stories up your sleeves ready at any time---or use little techniques like: have the girl hold up her hand and if her ring finger is taller than her index finger tell her that means she is very adventurous, and other dim-witted things like that.

I was just watching a comedy skit (with Ali G) and he was joking about how the worse he treats a girl, the more she wants him. We've all heard that stereotypical dmessage, but is it true? Do most girls really fall for bad treatment? Or even on a lesser scale, do you think the less a guy acts like he wants you, the more you want him? If he acts rude to you, do you think that's a cool, tough act and you're attracted to him even more? If you do, it's certainly not your fault. If you don't at all, all the more power to you.

I very much welcome your questions or comments. Please feel free to post here, or if you'd like, use the contact form for more privacy. Ask any questions about relationships, dating, or just related to being Asian in the US. Or I'd love to hear your comments on my postings as well. Aloha!

What to do with girlfriends? You know the ones --- they are always getting into boy(friend) problems and just always seem to have their life in a whirlwind. I sigh just thinking about it. You love them to death--they're like a sister to you (which may also be why it's harder to be objective about things), but pure frustration steams from your head from talking in circles with them. I'm sure this is not an exclusively Asian thing, but this has come up twice with my Asian girlfriends, both Chinese, in the last week. What to do? 

So tonight, couple etiquette is on my mind. What do I mean by that? I mean how to act as a couple when you're around your single friend. I understand some of us simply are very much in love with our boyfriends, husbands, partners, but that doesn't mean we need to put that on display when our friend, who happens to be single, is visiting. For example, as a young single woman in New York City, it's very important to me to have other single girlfriends to hang out with.

So I'm planning a sex ed Q+A for a future TheLychee event. I am totally open to hearing people's ideas---yay or nay--on this. But I think it could be really fun. A great chance to ask all the sex questions you were always scared to ask. Like, is it normal that I .... during .... OR I can't seem to .... what should I do? You know! For women, all those discussions you have with your girlfriends. And for guys, all those discussions you have with your girl friends!

First impressions are everything. I'm not saying to pretend you're someone else on the first date (or first speed dating event), but you do want to show your best side. True story, I ended one date with a kiss on the lips from my date who just smoked a cigarette (my fault for letting it happen---and yes it was more gross than it sounds) AND he left the toilet seat up. Call me old-fashioned, but if you are a guy, and you come into MY apartment, I don't care how messy it is you do not leave the toilet seat up in a girls' apartment.

In this day and age, somehow it's still hard to be friends with someone of the opposite gender. And what do you do when they interpret your last 10 hangout times as 'dates' and you still think they're just fun to hang out with?

The other title for this blog is: How to make the most of your first Speed Dating experience. For example, if you're usually introverted, give yourself a pep talk beforehand that, of course, everyone in the room likes you and thinks you're cool. And smile, smile, smile. That is one thing I learned from waitressing in Hawai'i is how to show the aloha spirit and that is to smile constantly. It's a skill. No matter if it's conjured up and not a natural instant reaction. Practice smiling spontaneously and constantly at home. A real, genuine, aloha smile. Not frozen to your face kind.